The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
