i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
