I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
