I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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