Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
