A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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