why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
