You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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