so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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