All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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