Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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