everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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