You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
