Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I could fuck to npr.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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