in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
bring money and cleavage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
