I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
