I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
