Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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