Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
