Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize