Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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