I'm jealous of your bromance
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
