I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
