Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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