i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
