I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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