My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
