is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
