I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
