I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize