omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
