Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
