I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
