There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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