Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
