we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
