if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
