Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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