I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
