I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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