The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
