It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My liver just had a heart attack.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
