Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
