Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
