somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
