1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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