I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
