Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
