I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
