I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
