he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
