i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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