dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
