i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
