I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
