The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
