at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Still dying that you shit outside
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
