i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
