STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
