did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
