hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
