Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
