I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
