just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
