Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
