Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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