My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
