Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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