dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
