Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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