if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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