I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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