Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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