I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
