Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
