Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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